learning to trust

        Do you ever wonder why God allows us to go through hurtful experiences? Why would God choose me to go through painful things, especially if He knew I was going to make wrong choices and it would affect my relationship with Him?  I really struggled with these questions last summer.  How could I trust Him with my future? What if God lead me somewhere again, and then just allowed me to get run over and hurt?
       There is a poem that talks about a little girl who had a father that was digging out a well. She brought him lunch, and wanted to join him in the well. The well was dark, and she couldn't see her father. Her father told her to jump, reassuring her that he would catch her. The poem goes on to talk about how that's what trust is. Sometimes in life it's dark, and we can't see what lies ahead, but God is asking us to jump, He will catch us. 
        I knew that's what God was asking me to do. Just trust Him. He will catch me....  but I felt like I had jumped into the well, expecting God to catch me, and He had dropped me. I wondered what kind of a God would do that to me...  but I still heard God say, "Trust Me." Although I didn't have answers... I was trying to trust Him. 
       A few months later, when I was spending some time praying, God gave me this vision of a plastic ball floating in water. The ball was just floating along, and then a hand came and pushed it down into the water. The hand let go and the ball bounced up. The hand did it again, and the farther down the ball was pushed into the water, the farther the ball bounced when it came out of the water. God said, "You are the ball. And in order for you to grow, in order for you to "get higher"  you need to be pushed deeper. I did drop you. I had to drop you so I could heal you. I had to bring pain into your life, so when your heart begins to soften, when you start to grow, you would be MORE like Me then if you never would have experienced the pain. But just like the hand on the ball, I have My hand on you! I know what you can handle, what pressure you can take, how much you can be pushed, and I'm not gonna let you go!!! You are Mine girl. Yes you did make wrong choices, and yes, I could have used you a lot more if you wouldn't have reacted so much to the pain.  You need to learn to trust Me, even when I drop you."
        It was a beautiful and humbling experience. God is amazing, and even though it's overwhelming when He speaks to me over and over again. And shows me again and again things I need to change, it is also very comforting, because I know He really cares about me, I matter as a person, and He has a special purpose He wants me to fulfill.
       So if you are experiencing pain, and you find yourself blaming God, and asking Why? just rest in the fact that He wants to do some amazing work in you. He wants you to grow, and become more and more like Him. He knows your heart, your response to the pain, and what you can handle. He has His hand on you, and will not let you go. Keep resting, keep trusting, keep seeking God with all your heart. He is the Master Healer.