An unanswered prayer, an open door

Sometimes we pray and pray for God to answer a prayer, to show us a miracle, to come through for us. We know what the answer should be. It only makes sense. But what if the answer to our prayers is the complete opposite of what we want. What if it's the complete opposite of what we expect from God.

And when the answer comes....

No, God! That's not supposed to happen. That's not like you. This is not the answer I prayed for. 

Confusion and doubts set in. This is not like God! Faith begins to crumble like a dry sand castle. 

We wrestle with our mind. We wrestle with our preconceived ideas of who God is and how He cares for us. 

At first God is silent. He lets us ponder. He waits until He knows we are ready to listen. Sometimes God is silent for a long time because He  knows our hearts aren't ready to hear His still small voice. 

This happened to me recently. I had it all planned out. I had a very specific prayer request. It was something only God could do. Something I could hardly wait to praise Him for. I knew He was going to come through. There was a time limit tho, and time was running out. But knowing God, He would probably wait till the last possible minute before answering my prayer. I knew He would tho. He was God, He cared about me and my problems. I knew He wouldn't forget His child. I was reminded so many times of how God had showed Himself faithful in my past. So many specific prayer requests I had prayed and God had answered. So many miracles He had given me. God was good, I had seen Him work before. He would come through again. And I couldn't wait! I was excited! My faith was strong. 

The time limit came and went..... no answer. Nothing happened. God did not come through. He allowed the horrible to happen. He was silent. I was devastated. God would  not do this to His child! Hadn't I prayed hard enough? Had I angered Him in some way? Was I being punished for something I had done? This was not like God. It seemed to me that God had acted out of character.  It would have been so easy for Him. I would have praised Him from the mountain tops. Isn't that what He wants... me to glorify His name? 

God started speaking. He was gentle. He was kind. He was not condemning or critical of my doubts towards Him. Not in the least. 

My child, don't you see, I did answer your prayer. I answered it in ways you were not expecting. I said no, but I still answered your prayer. I did hear you. I have plans for you that you know not of. You think you have me all figured out. But am I not God? Can I not do whatever I want? Am I still good and Holy even if I allow 'horrible' things to happen to you? Trust me my child. What I have planned for you is far greater than your answer to your prayer. 

And then God showed me this picture of a hallway with many doors. Each door lead to a different room with an exit door and another hallway with more doors. It was like a maze. You didn't know where each door lead, and you weren't sure if one of them would lead you to a dead end. Some of the doors were opened, but most of them were closed. Sometimes the doors would open and close at different times. We as humans like to plan our own life. I'm gonna walk through this door, tour the room, walk out the exit door, down the hall to the third door on the left. Go through that door tour the next room. etc... if the door is closed we like to sit in front of it, sometimes pounding violently until the door opens. Sometimes the door never opens, and we take up permanent residency in the hallway like a homeless man on the street, waiting for "our door" to open. 

Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which was been opened for us."

Isn't that so true? We wait and wait and grumble and complain and we miss golden opportunities. 

I find myself doing this often. I'm standing in front of a closed door. I think it is the "right" door for me to go through. I wait, and beg and pray and plead and cry and demand. 

But God says....  Hey, did you notice the other door down the hall that I have opened for you? Yeah it might not be as glamorous or fun, but the rewards on the other side of that door are so worth it. So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit here and make camp outside this closed door? Or are you going to trust me and move forward to what I have planned for you? Can you praise My name even if the door you desire to open, remains closed? I see what you have done, and I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have little strength, You find security in familiar things. Don't resist change. Come, walk in realms you've never known before. Beyond this open door is a new and fresh anointing. Hear my Spirit calling you to go. Walk on through the door, for I will go before you into a great power you've never known before. 

So we pick up our suitcases, keep our eyes on the goal, and step through the open door that God has placed before us. It wasn't what we had in mind, it's not going to be easy, but God is already there. His power and glory are shining through the doorway like sunlight spilling through a window. In the process our perspective changes. We pray, "Lord, not my will, but Your's be done." We praise God, for He is Holy and good even when the doors we think we want opened, remain closed. 

note: references are from Revelation 3, and some song lyrics from "Beyond the Open Door" by the Gaither Vocal Band 

My Sister, My Friend

 Isn't she a beauty?!!!

One of my bestest friends is turning 25!!!!!

I've known her most of my life, and have fond memories of her from the day she was born.

I remember that day very well. I was so sure I would NEVER be able to remember her name, 

it was soooooo different. 

Jolene Elizabeth Miller, what could be so hard to remember about that?  I'm happy to say not only have I remembered her name, but I also have many happy memories with this girl. 

Memories  ingrained into my mind that I will never forget. Why? Because she's my sister. 

HAPPY  25TH  BIRTHDAY  JOLENE!!!!

Soft and gentle as a kitten,  wild and fierce as a tiger. 

She does not like coffee! But that doesn't change our friendship.

She loves kids, and kids love her. 

 Purple is where it's at.... ALWAYS! 

Side by side, or miles apart

you will forever be close to my heart.

Don't ask..... :) 

"i look like a moose." You make all the bull moose go 'Whaaa Whaaa'

 

An adventurist. A risk taker, A dreamer. A drama queen. A side kick.

An amazing listener. 

She is the mirror shining back at me with a world of possibilities. 

She is my witness who sees me at my worst but loves me anyway. 

She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, 

someone who knows when I am smiling,

 even in the dark. She is my sister. 

There is no one, I repeat NO ONE,

more fun to laugh with than her. 

Grandpa says, "She flutters around like a butterfly, doesn't she?"

We blame a lot of things on the fact that she was born in a car,

and the car (Chrysler Lebaron) had some sort of affect on her.

but two of her wouldn't be so bad, would it? 

She takes time to be with those that matter. 

Sisters don't need words. 

They have perfected their own SECRET LANGUAGE

of smiles, sniffs, sobs, gasps, winks, eyerolls.

Such a beautiful princess, daughter of the King. 

Jolene, 

           You are so special to me. I can't imagine not having you in my life. You are the only one that "gets" some things about me. You are my favorite person to watch a movie with. You listen, and offer advice, and support, and sometimes just listen. You care so much about people and their "stuff". Your heart is HUGE! And beautiful. I have watched you grow a lot the last few years. God is doing something so amazing and purposeful in you. Life is not always easy, but you have a way of looking at the brighter side... seeing the positive.... sticking it out... learning from the experiences... laughing at life...  I have learned much from you. It is obvious to me that God loves you, and His favor rests upon you. He has great and exciting things for you. I am so honored to be a part of your life, and to be able to walk this journey with you as your sister and friend.  I love you. -Amanda

Trust... again

1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • 
     
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

So what do you do when life hands you a big impossible mountain to climb? There it is, suddenly right in your path. There is no way around it, it surrounds you. There is no way under it, it sinks into the deepest of seas. It's so high you can't even see the top. Is there a top? You can't dig through is, it's made of the thickest, heaviest rock. There it is looming in front of you. Mocking you. You can kick it, punch it, and call it ugly names, but the only thing that results is a guilty conscience, and a bruised body. This is not what you thought life was gonna be like. You had dreams, big dreams. But this mountain, it's destructive. It's ruining your life. Does God see this mountain? Doesn't he care? Didn't He say if we had enough faith He could remove our mountains? But it's still there. God I have faith. I know you can remove this mountain. Soooo..... why is it still there. I have faith. I have faith.


Then Jesus calls your name and He says, My child, I just want you to come to Me. Come, I will give you all you need. I will be more for you than what you can imagine. Trust me. TRUST ME. I created the mountain. I put it in your path. I have something pretty amazing I want to show you. I know you have dreams and plans, and this might get in the way of what you want. But my child, what if this is what I want?  Can you trust me?




God has been showing me a lot about prayer lately. He pays very close attention when His children pray. He listens with full, undivided attention. He doesn't get distracted by the dog, or the dryer stopping, or the phone ringing. He listens. He really listens. He looks you in the eye, and He nods in agreement. He puts His arm on your shoulder, and holds you close. And if you let Him, if you sit quietly and listen, He will speak to you. He will whisper words of love, affirmation, encouragement and direction, words of Life. This is what God wants more than anything -to sit down and have a nice talk together. He wants you to pour out your heart to Him. All the frustrations and agonies of the day. He wants to hear what has made you happy, and He wants to hear what has made you cry. And when you sit down and look God in the eyes, and talk to Him, the mountain doesn't look so big. Or maybe it's that you don't notice it as quick. It is still there, as big as ever. But in talking to Him, the mountain Maker, we can rest on His shoulder in peace, having full confidence that somehow all will be well. It is not our job to figure out why the mountain is there, or how it's gonna disappear, it's our job to simply rest, be still, wait, trust, and listen to the mountain Maker.



Oh, so much easier said than done.

update

It's been awhile....  I got married!!! :) My husband is a very good man. We love each other a lot.

August 2, 2014

Let me introduce to you...

Shawn Aaron Weaver

*He lives in Lebanon, Pennsylvania.

*He is 6 years older than I.

*He has brown wavy hair and blue eyes. 

*He is the youngest of 2 boys.

*Reading is not his strong point.

Our first day together, Our first picture

*He writes VERY long emails.

*He prints in all capital letters.

                                     

*Fruit slushies bring him great happiness. 

*He enjoys going to flea markets, and farmers markets. 

*He loves to fish and hunt.

                                   
*He enjoys studying the book of Romans. 

*He loves steak!

*Making grape pies is something he has mastered quite well.

                                       

*He enjoys listening to Praise and Worship music. 

*His 2 top favorite songs are 10,000 Reasons 
and I wonder as I wonder.

*He enjoys cooking, gardening, even canning, but NOT cleaning.

                                              

*His favorite colors are purple and chrome. 

*He notices small details.

*He has given me 4 bouquets of seven roses each, 

and one bouquet of artificial daises tied with a red bow.

 *His favorite subject in school was math.

*He is very honest.

*He loves dogs.

*He likes calamari.
*He likes mushrooms, peppers, and onions.

*He has great leadership skills.

*He has determination.

*He is an electrician.

*His favorite number is 7.

                                         

*He enjoys watching sunsets.

*He is not afraid to voice his opinion.

                                                

*Cookies are his favorite snack.

*His communication skills are higher than most.

*He is teaching me how to interrupt. :)

                

                                     

*He is very outgoing.

*He keeps his commitments.

*He gave me a promise ring!

                                       

*He is a keeper. 

*Every day I love him more. 

*I am so blessed!!!

                                        

from the classroom

It was math class. The third grade boy was frustrated. He could not figure out his story problem. His teacher had explained it to him, and then told him he needed to figure out the rest of it on his own without any more help. That made him even more frustrated. He sat there... glaring at his math, getting madder and madder. Time went on. His teacher noticed that he was just sitting there, very upset. She decided to wait and see what would happen. He continued to sit, and glare. Between classes whenever it was time to work on more math, he would thump his book on his desk and give out a loud sigh, and continue to sit and glare. After about 50 minutes worth of sitting and glaring had passed, the teacher, noticing that he was now in tears,  finally had a moment to talk to the child and took him out of the classroom for a "discussion". The conversation went something like this.

               Teacher: Child, what is wrong? Why are you just sitting there?
               Student (crying): I can't figure it out, and you said you wouldn't help me.
               Teacher: But why are you just sitting there? Why don't you go on and work at the rest of your math lesson. Sometimes when we leave a problem and come back to it later we can think better and then we get it, just like that.
               Student: I don't know.... I didn't think about it.
               Teacher: How many times did you read over your story problem?
               Student: Once
               Teacher: Only once!!!!!!  You sat there for almost an hour and you only read it over one time!?!?
               Student (crying harder): Well I figured out how to do it, and I kept getting 13, and I know that's the wrong answer, so I just kept doing it over and over the same way, and I always got 13 as the answer. And I KNOW that's not right.
(At this the teacher almost busted out laughing for the correct answer was indeed 13.)
               Teacher: How do you know the answer is not 13?
               Student: I just know! I know it's wrong, but I kept doing it over and over and that's all I got, but I know it's wrong.
               Teacher: Instead of sitting there getting mad, what should you have done?
               Student: I should have just written down 13 and finished my math. But it would be wrong!!
                Teacher (again): Why do you think 13 is wrong?
               Student (looking up at the teacher with a very guilty look): Well.....  I looked at someone else's book and I saw he had 21, so I tried and tried to get 21 but I just couldn't.
               Teacher (now laughing out loud): Oh child, look into my eyes and listen very closely. The correct answer IS 13. The other student had the wrong answer.
             The student stopped crying and held his breath for a few moments before an ever so slight grin started to appear across his face. Followed was a discussion on not sitting idly doing nothing when you are stuck, and not trying to copy someone else's work.

The student may have learned his lesson. Later in the day, he pipes up and says, "That was really funny what I did earlier wasn't it."  Yes my dear boy, that was funny, but please don't ever do it again. And the teacher ponders this and thinks, Am I ever like that? Do I ever get frustrated because I try so hard to be something I shouldn't? Do I judge myself by a false copy? Does God ever feel frustrated because I am glaring and crying and asking for help when He has already clearly shown the correct answer to me?
Oh, forgive me, Lord.

sometimes it's the little things

I am a firm believer in looking for the little joys of life. 

*a child's laugh

*a falling star

*a mourning dove's song

*the brightness of the sun 

*the color red

*full moon rising 

*a shooting star
*a bright reflection
*a kind word
*a rare God ordained moment
*a coffee mug
* spring flowers
*the smell of fresh cut grass
*a jet stream

Whatever it is that grabs your attention and makes you say, "oh wow, look there, that's beautiful!" or "Did you hear that?" That something that takes your breath away, is given just to you by an all loving God who knows you. He knows every part of your heart, every longing you've ever had, every dream you've ever dreamed, every sigh that has ever escaped from your lips, every tear that has rolled down your checks, every smile that has brightened your eyes. He notices every emotion, and He cares deeply about each one. That God, he loves you for who you are. He loves you just the way you are. And the best part is, it doesn't matter what you do, He will always keep on loving you. He is pursuing you, and will do anything to get your attention. 

Those little things that take your breath away, God knows about them too. And He says, "Now if only my beloved child would know how much I love her. If she could only see that I am the one who painted the sunset. I am the one who put the mourning dove outside her window. I am the one that caused the right song to come on the radio at the perfect moment. I am the one who prompted the friend to write an encouraging note. If my child would notice that I am the Author and Instigator of these things, then maybe my child would also notice how much I long to have a relationship with her. I want to talk with her. I want to commune with her. I want to be with her every moment of her life. I want My Name to be in her mind and on her lips more than at bed time and on Sundays. So I will pursue her in order to win her heart.

"Every song you love, every memory you cherish, 

every moment that has moved you to holy tears 

has been given to you from the One who has been pursuing you 

from the first breath in order to win your heart. 

God's version of flowers and chocolates and candlelight dinners 

comes in the form of sunsets and falling stars,

 moonlight on lakes and cricket symphonies; 

warm wind, swaying trees, lush gardens, and fierce devotions." 

-Stasi Eldredge