Baby Evan Weaver now in heaven with Jesus

.....how does one even begin to tell of the heart break.

I don't understand. I only know that God is in control, and what He does is good. I will keep trusting Him, even through the dark when I can't see what's in front of me. God has never failed me before, and I know He's not gonna start now.

Thank you fro praying for us.

Baby Weaver On Board

Note: I wrote this on Tuesday, Sept 8, 2015 but I thought it needed a bit of editing, so I didn't post it. I also needed to take a week 9 picture to add to this post.

One week later (week 10) I began the horrible heartbreaking process of a miscarriage. I decided to post this anyway. Hopefully in a few days there will be another post about our healing process, and the journey of loosing our baby. Thank your for your prayers. It's been the hardest thing we have ever gone through. 

If any of you know us well, you know that we enjoy our cookies and coffee. Shawn especially loves his cookies, and I love my coffee. Our wedding theme was, "We go together like cookies and coffee." So...  having said that, we are excited to announce that in April we will be adding milk to our cookies and coffee. Yes, that's right, WE'RE EXPECTING A BABY!!! We've been praying and hoping for a little while now that God was send us a little miracle. We are so overjoyed, and praise God for His goodness to us. 

It was our first anniversary, the day we found out I was pregnant. I suspected it... sort of, hoping like I do every month, but trying not to hope too much. We spent 4 days at Promised Land Lake in PA. I threw in a pregnancy test, just in case. The schedule on my calendar said if I was pregnant I could find out sometime that weekend. And lo and behold...... Sunday morning (our anniversary) I decided to take the test. Much to my surprise IT WAS POSITIVE!!!! I cried. Shawn had no idea what was going on, or that I had even brought a test along. So I started thinking about how I was going to tell him. It was so hard to keep my composure. I was shaking, and either crying or laughing. I began to prepare breakfast as planned, hoping Shawn would leave the room for a few minutes. He finally went to use the restroom and I flew into action. By the time he came out I was ready. I told him I had a surprise for him, and wanted him to sit on the couch. I had my cell phone in the corner videoing the whole thing. I first handed him a Bible and told him to read Deuteronomy 11:18-21 

"Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children,talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Write them on the door frames of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth." 

I then handed him the ring box that he had used when he proposed to me. Inside the ring box I had put a coffee granule. He took the box, opened it, and said, "what is it? a bug??" I started crying so hard I couldn't speak. I finally choked out... "It's a coffee granule, it's the size of our baby." He said, "What?" I said, "I'm pregnant!!" He said, 'What?" Are you sure? When did you find out? How do you know?" So I showed him the test. Then he said, "Oh my goodness, Oh my goodness" We were excited and in shock, talking about the possibilities, could it really be? Is it true? What is this gonna be like? How is our life going to change? When am I due? We laughed and cried for a long time. I have the whole thing on video, but trust me, you probably don't want to see it. :) 

Week 5, Baby is the size of a sesame seed.

I had to take a picture while I still fit in my wedding dress.

 It might be the last chance I have for a while. :)

We decided to start telling our families. We told his parents right as soon as we got back, and they were ecstatic. The video of them  is priceless. Since my family is so far away we decided to just skype them. We found these cute mugs for 10 cents at a yard sale, and I had found the pink onesie at walmart quite a few months ago. So we held them up for my parents and my sisters to see. Although the skype connection was a bit poor, it was still better then a phone call, or an email. We saw their faces and heard their responses. I was able to tell Ralph and Krista in person when my cousin and I went up for Krista's bridal shower. It was special to at least tell someone from my family in person. Both families are so excited. This is the first grandchild for my parents, so it's even extra special. So far almost everyone thinks we're gonna have a boy. We plan to find out around Christmas time if it will be a boy or a girl.

Week 6 Baby is the size of a lentil bean.                                  Week 7 baby is the size of blueberry.

 PROUD AUNTIES

An unanswered prayer, an open door

Sometimes we pray and pray for God to answer a prayer, to show us a miracle, to come through for us. We know what the answer should be. It only makes sense. But what if the answer to our prayers is the complete opposite of what we want. What if it's the complete opposite of what we expect from God.

And when the answer comes....

No, God! That's not supposed to happen. That's not like you. This is not the answer I prayed for. 

Confusion and doubts set in. This is not like God! Faith begins to crumble like a dry sand castle. 

We wrestle with our mind. We wrestle with our preconceived ideas of who God is and how He cares for us. 

At first God is silent. He lets us ponder. He waits until He knows we are ready to listen. Sometimes God is silent for a long time because He  knows our hearts aren't ready to hear His still small voice. 

This happened to me recently. I had it all planned out. I had a very specific prayer request. It was something only God could do. Something I could hardly wait to praise Him for. I knew He was going to come through. There was a time limit tho, and time was running out. But knowing God, He would probably wait till the last possible minute before answering my prayer. I knew He would tho. He was God, He cared about me and my problems. I knew He wouldn't forget His child. I was reminded so many times of how God had showed Himself faithful in my past. So many specific prayer requests I had prayed and God had answered. So many miracles He had given me. God was good, I had seen Him work before. He would come through again. And I couldn't wait! I was excited! My faith was strong. 

The time limit came and went..... no answer. Nothing happened. God did not come through. He allowed the horrible to happen. He was silent. I was devastated. God would  not do this to His child! Hadn't I prayed hard enough? Had I angered Him in some way? Was I being punished for something I had done? This was not like God. It seemed to me that God had acted out of character.  It would have been so easy for Him. I would have praised Him from the mountain tops. Isn't that what He wants... me to glorify His name? 

God started speaking. He was gentle. He was kind. He was not condemning or critical of my doubts towards Him. Not in the least. 

My child, don't you see, I did answer your prayer. I answered it in ways you were not expecting. I said no, but I still answered your prayer. I did hear you. I have plans for you that you know not of. You think you have me all figured out. But am I not God? Can I not do whatever I want? Am I still good and Holy even if I allow 'horrible' things to happen to you? Trust me my child. What I have planned for you is far greater than your answer to your prayer. 

And then God showed me this picture of a hallway with many doors. Each door lead to a different room with an exit door and another hallway with more doors. It was like a maze. You didn't know where each door lead, and you weren't sure if one of them would lead you to a dead end. Some of the doors were opened, but most of them were closed. Sometimes the doors would open and close at different times. We as humans like to plan our own life. I'm gonna walk through this door, tour the room, walk out the exit door, down the hall to the third door on the left. Go through that door tour the next room. etc... if the door is closed we like to sit in front of it, sometimes pounding violently until the door opens. Sometimes the door never opens, and we take up permanent residency in the hallway like a homeless man on the street, waiting for "our door" to open. 

Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which was been opened for us."

Isn't that so true? We wait and wait and grumble and complain and we miss golden opportunities. 

I find myself doing this often. I'm standing in front of a closed door. I think it is the "right" door for me to go through. I wait, and beg and pray and plead and cry and demand. 

But God says....  Hey, did you notice the other door down the hall that I have opened for you? Yeah it might not be as glamorous or fun, but the rewards on the other side of that door are so worth it. So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit here and make camp outside this closed door? Or are you going to trust me and move forward to what I have planned for you? Can you praise My name even if the door you desire to open, remains closed? I see what you have done, and I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have little strength, You find security in familiar things. Don't resist change. Come, walk in realms you've never known before. Beyond this open door is a new and fresh anointing. Hear my Spirit calling you to go. Walk on through the door, for I will go before you into a great power you've never known before. 

So we pick up our suitcases, keep our eyes on the goal, and step through the open door that God has placed before us. It wasn't what we had in mind, it's not going to be easy, but God is already there. His power and glory are shining through the doorway like sunlight spilling through a window. In the process our perspective changes. We pray, "Lord, not my will, but Your's be done." We praise God, for He is Holy and good even when the doors we think we want opened, remain closed. 

note: references are from Revelation 3, and some song lyrics from "Beyond the Open Door" by the Gaither Vocal Band 

My Sister, My Friend

 Isn't she a beauty?!!!

One of my bestest friends is turning 25!!!!!

I've known her most of my life, and have fond memories of her from the day she was born.

I remember that day very well. I was so sure I would NEVER be able to remember her name, 

it was soooooo different. 

Jolene Elizabeth Miller, what could be so hard to remember about that?  I'm happy to say not only have I remembered her name, but I also have many happy memories with this girl. 

Memories  ingrained into my mind that I will never forget. Why? Because she's my sister. 

HAPPY  25TH  BIRTHDAY  JOLENE!!!!

Soft and gentle as a kitten,  wild and fierce as a tiger. 

She does not like coffee! But that doesn't change our friendship.

She loves kids, and kids love her. 

 Purple is where it's at.... ALWAYS! 

Side by side, or miles apart

you will forever be close to my heart.

Don't ask..... :) 

"i look like a moose." You make all the bull moose go 'Whaaa Whaaa'

 

An adventurist. A risk taker, A dreamer. A drama queen. A side kick.

An amazing listener. 

She is the mirror shining back at me with a world of possibilities. 

She is my witness who sees me at my worst but loves me anyway. 

She is my partner in crime, my midnight companion, 

someone who knows when I am smiling,

 even in the dark. She is my sister. 

There is no one, I repeat NO ONE,

more fun to laugh with than her. 

Grandpa says, "She flutters around like a butterfly, doesn't she?"

We blame a lot of things on the fact that she was born in a car,

and the car (Chrysler Lebaron) had some sort of affect on her.

but two of her wouldn't be so bad, would it? 

She takes time to be with those that matter. 

Sisters don't need words. 

They have perfected their own SECRET LANGUAGE

of smiles, sniffs, sobs, gasps, winks, eyerolls.

Such a beautiful princess, daughter of the King. 

Jolene, 

           You are so special to me. I can't imagine not having you in my life. You are the only one that "gets" some things about me. You are my favorite person to watch a movie with. You listen, and offer advice, and support, and sometimes just listen. You care so much about people and their "stuff". Your heart is HUGE! And beautiful. I have watched you grow a lot the last few years. God is doing something so amazing and purposeful in you. Life is not always easy, but you have a way of looking at the brighter side... seeing the positive.... sticking it out... learning from the experiences... laughing at life...  I have learned much from you. It is obvious to me that God loves you, and His favor rests upon you. He has great and exciting things for you. I am so honored to be a part of your life, and to be able to walk this journey with you as your sister and friend.  I love you. -Amanda

Trust... again

1. ’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
   Just to take Him at His Word;
   Just to rest upon His promise,
   And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”
   • 
     
     Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
     How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er;
     Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
     Oh, for grace to trust Him more!

So what do you do when life hands you a big impossible mountain to climb? There it is, suddenly right in your path. There is no way around it, it surrounds you. There is no way under it, it sinks into the deepest of seas. It's so high you can't even see the top. Is there a top? You can't dig through is, it's made of the thickest, heaviest rock. There it is looming in front of you. Mocking you. You can kick it, punch it, and call it ugly names, but the only thing that results is a guilty conscience, and a bruised body. This is not what you thought life was gonna be like. You had dreams, big dreams. But this mountain, it's destructive. It's ruining your life. Does God see this mountain? Doesn't he care? Didn't He say if we had enough faith He could remove our mountains? But it's still there. God I have faith. I know you can remove this mountain. Soooo..... why is it still there. I have faith. I have faith.


Then Jesus calls your name and He says, My child, I just want you to come to Me. Come, I will give you all you need. I will be more for you than what you can imagine. Trust me. TRUST ME. I created the mountain. I put it in your path. I have something pretty amazing I want to show you. I know you have dreams and plans, and this might get in the way of what you want. But my child, what if this is what I want?  Can you trust me?




God has been showing me a lot about prayer lately. He pays very close attention when His children pray. He listens with full, undivided attention. He doesn't get distracted by the dog, or the dryer stopping, or the phone ringing. He listens. He really listens. He looks you in the eye, and He nods in agreement. He puts His arm on your shoulder, and holds you close. And if you let Him, if you sit quietly and listen, He will speak to you. He will whisper words of love, affirmation, encouragement and direction, words of Life. This is what God wants more than anything -to sit down and have a nice talk together. He wants you to pour out your heart to Him. All the frustrations and agonies of the day. He wants to hear what has made you happy, and He wants to hear what has made you cry. And when you sit down and look God in the eyes, and talk to Him, the mountain doesn't look so big. Or maybe it's that you don't notice it as quick. It is still there, as big as ever. But in talking to Him, the mountain Maker, we can rest on His shoulder in peace, having full confidence that somehow all will be well. It is not our job to figure out why the mountain is there, or how it's gonna disappear, it's our job to simply rest, be still, wait, trust, and listen to the mountain Maker.



Oh, so much easier said than done.

update

It's been awhile....  I got married!!! :) My husband is a very good man. We love each other a lot.

August 2, 2014