fish tank, friends, and sunglasses

   After a fitful night of being awoken, (if that's a word) on more then one occasion by the barking dogs, and waking up with a stiff neck, I proceeded to get ready to go clean house for a friend of mine. But about 40 min before I had to leave she told me she was sick, locking the door, and going back to bed. Suddenly the day seemed huge and leery. I first spent some time writing an email or two, facebooking, checking my blog, you know the normal things, while I thought about how I was going to fill my day. The frightful stack of weekend dishes on the counter were loudly screaming my name, as was the disgustingly green slimy fish tank which hadn't been cleaned in over a year. (I've been gone!) It's been on my list of things to do sometime this week. And suddenly I feel ambitious and full of energy. 
     The dishes....  note to self: when leaving dishes sit for a few days, at least soak them or rinse them off before just letting them SIT. 3 day old dried hash brown fried skillets take a long time to clean. Lets just say the project took awhile.
.... as did the fish tank. But it was easier to clean, and fun!!! :) I counted 47 guppies. I was going to take "before" and "after" pictures of the tank, but I forgot till I was about half way done. Now the little fishes are just a swimming around, enjoying the clear glass and clean water. There are some really pretty colored fish in there. Such tiny detail.
    Between fish tank and supper, I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine. She encouraged me so much and made me grin from ear to ear. I was reminded that God knows exactly what we need from whom at the exact time. She was Jesus to me, and it totally made my day! Even Jolene commented on the fact that I was "Glowing about something." I LOVE my friends, and I LOVE Jesus, who gave me so many good amazing friends. 
   For some reason the ambitiousness did not leave. This evening I felt like cleaning, and going through drawers and JUNK. It's a strange feeling. Usually I have to make myself get up and do stuff. But not tonight. At 10:30 I was still going strong. (I'm a night person) I tackled laundry, went through sweaters and desk drawers , (found some floppy disks, and a camera, you know the kind that takes film) I put some more recent pictures in frames, and I cut myself for the 4th time today. It's kind of funny cause at SMBI in the kitchen I was kind of known for getting cut a lot. But today I didn't even handle a knife and I still got cut.
    So I was cleaning out some drawers in a desk and I came upon 3 pair of sunglasses!! I couldn't believe it. Last week when Twila left I told her she could keep the sunglasses (they were mine) in her car. But a few days later, I was desperately wishing I had a pair. I almost made a special trip to the dollar store just to get a pair. But I decided that was foolish and since I was counting my pennies, I could do without sunglasses. As soon as I spotted the first pair I was like awww I have sunglasses!! Then I saw 2 more pair, and I knew that God was trying to get my attention. It was God's way of saying, "You can trust me with ever little need." I have a GREAT God!
   I finally had to tell myself "ok, after this you are quiting for the day," and I did, but then I felt like blogging about it, and now it's late... oh well. I enjoy late quiet nights. It's been a strange, but good rewarding day. And the dog has started her barking again....sigh. I like dogs, so I won't complain too much, but could she please quit barking?

learning to trust

        Do you ever wonder why God allows us to go through hurtful experiences? Why would God choose me to go through painful things, especially if He knew I was going to make wrong choices and it would affect my relationship with Him?  I really struggled with these questions last summer.  How could I trust Him with my future? What if God lead me somewhere again, and then just allowed me to get run over and hurt?
       There is a poem that talks about a little girl who had a father that was digging out a well. She brought him lunch, and wanted to join him in the well. The well was dark, and she couldn't see her father. Her father told her to jump, reassuring her that he would catch her. The poem goes on to talk about how that's what trust is. Sometimes in life it's dark, and we can't see what lies ahead, but God is asking us to jump, He will catch us. 
        I knew that's what God was asking me to do. Just trust Him. He will catch me....  but I felt like I had jumped into the well, expecting God to catch me, and He had dropped me. I wondered what kind of a God would do that to me...  but I still heard God say, "Trust Me." Although I didn't have answers... I was trying to trust Him. 
       A few months later, when I was spending some time praying, God gave me this vision of a plastic ball floating in water. The ball was just floating along, and then a hand came and pushed it down into the water. The hand let go and the ball bounced up. The hand did it again, and the farther down the ball was pushed into the water, the farther the ball bounced when it came out of the water. God said, "You are the ball. And in order for you to grow, in order for you to "get higher"  you need to be pushed deeper. I did drop you. I had to drop you so I could heal you. I had to bring pain into your life, so when your heart begins to soften, when you start to grow, you would be MORE like Me then if you never would have experienced the pain. But just like the hand on the ball, I have My hand on you! I know what you can handle, what pressure you can take, how much you can be pushed, and I'm not gonna let you go!!! You are Mine girl. Yes you did make wrong choices, and yes, I could have used you a lot more if you wouldn't have reacted so much to the pain.  You need to learn to trust Me, even when I drop you."
        It was a beautiful and humbling experience. God is amazing, and even though it's overwhelming when He speaks to me over and over again. And shows me again and again things I need to change, it is also very comforting, because I know He really cares about me, I matter as a person, and He has a special purpose He wants me to fulfill.
       So if you are experiencing pain, and you find yourself blaming God, and asking Why? just rest in the fact that He wants to do some amazing work in you. He wants you to grow, and become more and more like Him. He knows your heart, your response to the pain, and what you can handle. He has His hand on you, and will not let you go. Keep resting, keep trusting, keep seeking God with all your heart. He is the Master Healer. 

Change is Inevitable

It's April 11, 2011 and life is changing. 

Change can be good, but it can also be very hard. 

Change means the snow is melting and trees are budding. 

Change means there is adventure around the corner. 

Change means saying good-bye to friends that have become very special 

to you, with little chance of seeing them in the near future. 

Change is that heavy round stuff some people tend to carry in their pockets. 

Change buys Tim Hortons coffee!!! 

Change is packing up all of life's valuable possessions, and moving from one community to another, sometimes even to another country. 

Change is having a birthday. 

Change is coming back to your home church after being gone for a while, 

and being welcomed with open arms by a little girl who isn't so little anymore. 

Change is the multiples of grey hair that seem to be appearing 

more and more too frequently. 

Change is repainting your room, from a drab off white, to yellows and reds. 

Change brings joy.

Change brings tears. 

Change causes growth. 

Change is inevitable. 

       We can't be 23 for the rest of our life, nor can we always have spring and summer. Life is like that. The more we live, the more we change. The more life changes, the more we long for Heaven. Longing for heaven brings us closer to the realization that this world is not my home. Longing for Heaven brings us closer to Jesus, with the desire to spend more time sitting at His feet. Help me, Jesus, to use this period of change to secure myself in You, as I long more for Heaven every day.