And when the answer comes....
No, God! That's not supposed to happen. That's not like you. This is not the answer I prayed for.
Confusion and doubts set in. This is not like God! Faith begins to crumble like a dry sand castle.
We wrestle with our mind. We wrestle with our preconceived ideas of who God is and how He cares for us.
At first God is silent. He lets us ponder. He waits until He knows we are ready to listen. Sometimes God is silent for a long time because He knows our hearts aren't ready to hear His still small voice.
This happened to me recently. I had it all planned out. I had a very specific prayer request. It was something only God could do. Something I could hardly wait to praise Him for. I knew He was going to come through. There was a time limit tho, and time was running out. But knowing God, He would probably wait till the last possible minute before answering my prayer. I knew He would tho. He was God, He cared about me and my problems. I knew He wouldn't forget His child. I was reminded so many times of how God had showed Himself faithful in my past. So many specific prayer requests I had prayed and God had answered. So many miracles He had given me. God was good, I had seen Him work before. He would come through again. And I couldn't wait! I was excited! My faith was strong.
The time limit came and went..... no answer. Nothing happened. God did not come through. He allowed the horrible to happen. He was silent. I was devastated. God would not do this to His child! Hadn't I prayed hard enough? Had I angered Him in some way? Was I being punished for something I had done? This was not like God. It seemed to me that God had acted out of character. It would have been so easy for Him. I would have praised Him from the mountain tops. Isn't that what He wants... me to glorify His name?
God started speaking. He was gentle. He was kind. He was not condemning or critical of my doubts towards Him. Not in the least.
My child, don't you see, I did answer your prayer. I answered it in ways you were not expecting. I said no, but I still answered your prayer. I did hear you. I have plans for you that you know not of. You think you have me all figured out. But am I not God? Can I not do whatever I want? Am I still good and Holy even if I allow 'horrible' things to happen to you? Trust me my child. What I have planned for you is far greater than your answer to your prayer.
And then God showed me this picture of a hallway with many doors. Each door lead to a different room with an exit door and another hallway with more doors. It was like a maze. You didn't know where each door lead, and you weren't sure if one of them would lead you to a dead end. Some of the doors were opened, but most of them were closed. Sometimes the doors would open and close at different times. We as humans like to plan our own life. I'm gonna walk through this door, tour the room, walk out the exit door, down the hall to the third door on the left. Go through that door tour the next room. etc... if the door is closed we like to sit in front of it, sometimes pounding violently until the door opens. Sometimes the door never opens, and we take up permanent residency in the hallway like a homeless man on the street, waiting for "our door" to open.
Helen Keller said, "When one door of happiness closes, another opens: But often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which was been opened for us."
Isn't that so true? We wait and wait and grumble and complain and we miss golden opportunities.
I find myself doing this often. I'm standing in front of a closed door. I think it is the "right" door for me to go through. I wait, and beg and pray and plead and cry and demand.
But God says.... Hey, did you notice the other door down the hall that I have opened for you? Yeah it might not be as glamorous or fun, but the rewards on the other side of that door are so worth it. So what are you going to do? Are you going to sit here and make camp outside this closed door? Or are you going to trust me and move forward to what I have planned for you? Can you praise My name even if the door you desire to open, remains closed? I see what you have done, and I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know you have little strength, You find security in familiar things. Don't resist change. Come, walk in realms you've never known before. Beyond this open door is a new and fresh anointing. Hear my Spirit calling you to go. Walk on through the door, for I will go before you into a great power you've never known before.
So we pick up our suitcases, keep our eyes on the goal, and step through the open door that God has placed before us. It wasn't what we had in mind, it's not going to be easy, but God is already there. His power and glory are shining through the doorway like sunlight spilling through a window. In the process our perspective changes. We pray, "Lord, not my will, but Your's be done." We praise God, for He is Holy and good even when the doors we think we want opened, remain closed.
note: references are from Revelation 3, and some song lyrics from "Beyond the Open Door" by the Gaither Vocal Band
